You gotta commit

As you all know by this point I am a SAHD for a three year old girl and a five month old boy. Taking care of the litlle guy isn't too much trouble considering he can't move yet and pretty much just wants to eat and sleep. But keeping my three year old occupied is a whole different story, and the television can only be on for so long before I start feeling like the worst parent ever, so I've discovered you just gotta commit. And yesterday I just truly gave myself over to her and completely committed, which turned out to be a great time for the both of us. Alright it was a better time for her, but I had fun too! So after a healthy dose of spongebob we decided to play doggy...surprise surprise with me playing the role of doggy and she as the master. After your basic run through of barking, panting, and sniffing, she opted for a healthy game of fetch. So she grabbed one of her numerous other stuffed doggies, of course it had to be an old nasty little one from some forgotten McDonald's happy meal, and began hurling it across the room. And of course doggy daddy had to go fetch it. And as I scampered across the floor on all fours and proceeded to pick up nasty little doggy with my hand I was immediately reprimanded by my little master..."daddy, you know doggies don't have hands!" And then and there I decided what the hell, you gotta commit. So needless to say we spent the next hour or so with little master tossing little doggy and big daddy doggy fetching and retrieving that nasty little thing in my mouth. And she was cracking up and loving every minute of it...which I guess makes it all worthwhile!

Gross

So I feel like all I have been talking about in this blog is some sort of bodily fluid, and I also figured, why stop now. If any of my many readers are squeamish I do apologize. After all as a SAHD for a three year old girl and a five month old boy my life does basically revolve around pee, poop and boogers. My three year old has been potty trained since about two months before her third birthday which was back in November, but I still have to lend a helping hand here and there when it comes to her and the potty. And I've mentioned before my son is a virtual poop machine which I will be dealing with for quite some time. But I have now resigned myself to these tasks, for they must be done!
Recently my daughter reached another huge milestone in her short life, she learned how to blow her nose. And I cannot even tell you how exciting this was for me. I was pretty much doing back flips the first time she did it. Next to her learning to use the potty this was the biggest accomplishment she's done. I was pretty much ready to start contacting all the Ivy League schools to request early admission, I mean she has to be pretty special to master the art of the nose blow at the young age of three. And then I found it, and these short lived dreams of greatness began to crumble, on the wall next to her bed I found it, her booger collection. My perfect three year old angel cutey pie has been picking her boogs and decorating the wall next to her bed with them. It looked like some sort of crusty constellation. If I didn't put an end to this new habit soon she might have her very own in house rock climbing wall. But thankfully she has been talked into using the ample tissue supply which now resides right next to her bed!

In common

Yesterday one of my oldest and dearest friends and I were catching up on the phone, he is still living the bachelor life out in LA where my wife and I met and lived for the first year of our marriage. It was great to hear from him and vicariously enjoy some of his exploits, and as the conversation was coming to a close I told him to check out my blog, but then realized he might not really get it considering it's pretty much about staying home with the kids and he is still enjoying the bachelor life. Then while still on the phone he walked into his house to find one of his two shitzus had peed and pooped on his kitchen floor, which sparked a whole new common thread to the conversation. We realized that raising small children and dogs are really not all that different because they're both SEMI potty trained and neither really listen to you or your commands!

Afternoon delight

No it's not what all you pervs are thinking. To tell the truth I had to call my brother to confirm what I thought it did mean. But anyway, as a new SAHD, (stay at home dad) I have discovered the true meaning of the afternoon delight...and that is when you get both kids down for a nap at the same time and are able to take a quick snooze of your own. Ahhh, sweet peace and quiet, even if you decide not to nap yourself and just sit for a minute and enjoy the sweet sounds of silence, it's incredible. Not that the original meaning wouldn't be nice but with me at home and wifey at work it might be kind of tough...but who knows, maybe I'll get lucky with a daydream!

The poop machine

Yes the poop machine, my four month old sons newest nickname. The kid has yet to eat his first solid food but he can turn a bottle of breast milk or formula into the most ginormous poop you've ever seen. And although we did solve our diaper dilemma, we switched from the Target brand to Diapers.com brand, he still had a giant assplosion this morning. I guess that one was my fault because I was playing with sister and let him fuss in his exersaucer a little too long, but I still think it defies the laws of gravity to be able to poop out the top of your diaper all the way up your back, especially while standing up! But like I said, he is a poop machine. And lets get down to the nitty gritty, once you realize the assplosion has occurred and you see the poop has left the safety of the diaper and made its way up the back, how do you get the onesie off without covering your sons head with his own poop. Should I bust out the scissors and cut it off like they do at the hospital or what? Its like playing a game of operation except instead of grabbing the bone with the tiny tweezers I'm stretching that little cotton onesie to its limit over the boys head. And just so you know I did succeed, his little head remained poop free this morning.
But quickly back to the diaper dilemma, the Target brand had no elastic in the back so almost every poop turned into an assplosion, and the Diapers.com brand do have the elastic and until today had managed to retain the poop, but as I said today was my fault, even though he is a super pooper. We also love the Diapers.com brand because they are pretty cheap, about 40 bucks for 200 diapers, and the next day delivery rules. If interested go to Diapers.com

Benefits of being a SAHD

Yes I am actually getting to the point of using blogger lingo...SAHD stands for stay at home dad...how cool am I? I probably shouldn't mention that until about two weeks ago I didn't even know what a blog was. But on to the benefits of my new job...SAHD. First and foremost I have managed to lose ten pounds since taking on these two crazy kids full time. A lot of that having to do with the awesome kids club at my gym, but also the fact that I barely get a chance to sit down all day unless I am feeding the little sausage man his bottle. Another benefit is catching up on all the awesome daytime television, at least on the days when my daughter is at preschool, because obviously when she's here nickelodeon rules. But I am so in with the chicks on The View I could easily be a guest host, and Ellen is already starting to secure a special place in my heart. But to be honest the biggest benefit of being a SAHD is the time I am getting with my kids. Just being able to be with them everyday and watch them grow and learn and explore this crazy world, it could not be more rewarding. That may sound a little sappy but its true, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Eat my words

So my beautiful wife is an online shopper...nothing too crazy, a lot of essential stuff, but on occasion we tend to disagree on what is"essential". It is very convenient and definitely comes in handy around the holidays when we can ship everything straight to her folks house. But anyway, back to the essential...a few weeks back a package arrived and I thought I actually had a hole in one, a surefire win, but now I stand here man enough to eat my words. The package in question contained an automatic booger sucker for the baby. Yes you read that correctly, a booger sucker. We already had one of those little rubber bulb aspirator things which seemed to me to work just fine, so why on earth would we need to spend twenty bucks on this other contraption that automatically sucks out the boogs while playing music and then deposits them in a nice little clear container. I mean if you're going to suck out the boogs while playing music to your baby you should be able to clearly view the products of your labor. So anyway I kind of freaked out and put my foot down, insisting this item had to go back, but my wife wisely held her ground and now here I am, eating my words. The booger sucker rules!!! My son ended up getting a cold yesterday and being four months old he can't blow his nose, and the little bulb just wasn't cutting it, so out came the booger sucker, and I can't tell you how great it felt to fill up that little clear plastic container with all those boogs.

For more info on booger suckers go to http://www.diapers.com/Product/ProductDetail.aspx?productId=21015